I Remember

I remember Cindy today as always. And I am missing you still.

Merry Christmas

HO HO HO!

Dear Zachary

Tonight I watched one of the finest documentary. It is called Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father. The mean mudder told me about this one. But she didn't warn me that it would tear your heart out. I haven't cried that hard in a long long time. I hope more people see this film it is excellent. I would say more about it but I am still processing it myself. Especially after the finding of Caylee Anthony body this week. So get a box of tissues and watch it.

When A Hero Fails

I happened to be reading a year old issue of Time magazine. In it was a little blurb by Cat Stevens and it listed him among other things as a philanthropist. I could not believe that description of him. While it is true that he has given money to Islamic charities. But I would not call someone a philanthropist who agreed with calling for a fatwa on a writer. Since he himself is a songwriter. To agree with calling for the murder of Salman Rushdie is beyond belief. Especially if you know his past.

I had always been a huge Cat Stevens fan. I had nearly all his album including ones which were not big sellers like Buddha and the Chocolate Box. His photo on the Teaser and the Fire Cat album was the most beautiful photo of a man I had ever seen. To quote Jimmy Carter "I have lusted in my heart," over that photo. But more then that I loved his words and he became my hero. He always sang of things I cared about. Peace, love, the world, difficulties with parents, etc. I like to think that at the time he wrote and sang them. He meant every word. I believed as he did. At times in my early teenage years his songs were the only comfort I could find. I saw him in concert one time. And still to this day it was one of the best concerts I have ever seen.

Then as quickly as my hero came he was gone. I read about how he was swimming and almost drown. How in his panic he asked god to spare him and he would then serve him. He became a Muslim. My hero would do something like that. I did miss his music but I understood. Jump ahead two decades or so and my hero failed. Calling on the murder of a human being. It broke my heart. What happened to my hero, the man I had admired so much. Over the years he has continually disappointed me.

He has kept quiet about the terrorists attacks in the world. Even in his own country England. He has made snide remarks about America and Americans. Yet he keeps selling his music to us. And we dummies keep buying it. I no long can listen to his songs and I have never bought a thing of his since the Salman Rushdie incident. He was the one who sang of standing up for your beliefs. And so I have. Someone even gave me a new CD collection of work. I gave it away. He has no place in my life anymore. He is a hero who failed.

The difference a decade makes!

I was thinking the other day about the differences a decade can make. Especially in my kid's life. A decade ago she left home for college and except for some brief bits of time she never moved back. In that decade she has accomplished a lot. A bachelor's and master's degree, got a great career, a great job, a great husband (but don't tell the boy I said that), taken a cruise, and now they bought a house. That's a lot and I am proud of her. I am also proud of the boy (but don't tell the boy I said that). But it also makes me sad especially them buying a house. That was the nail in the coffin for me. My little girl will never move home again.

Christmas Crazies!

Okay it's back again the Christmas crazies. That what I call what I get at this time of year. I love everything about this holiday season. But you wouldn't know it to look at my house. I gave up decorating and baking awhile ago. And I don't really miss it. I enjoy other people's decorating and baking. My crazies have change thru the years, it used to be the decorating and baking. Now it's gift giving and cooking for Christmas Eve. And that tingle in my stomach for Christmas Eve and day. When I think of those days I still feel like a kid. I don't know why but I hope I never lose the feeling. I hope you too get the holiday tingle!

Gobble gobble!

Just a quick note to list some things I am thankful for this year. They are as follows in no order of importance: family, friends, the kid & the boy just bought a house, Obama was elected, ass wipe Bush will soon be out of office, stock market up, gas prices down, Christmas is coming, my cats, my tivo, my computer, food, chocolate, sleep, being single, and too many things to mention.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

The best birthday gift ever!!!

I would like to tell you about my birthday gift from the kid and the boy. They had planned for a year a trip to New Orleans and Memphis. They had plan to take me to Graceland (the palace of tacky & I love tacky). They had booked my favorite hotel in New Orleans. And they both know how much I love New Orleans. If I had to live in a big city of my choice it would still be New Orleans. I was there 10 months after Katrina hit & it had lost some of it's shine. But I still love that city and it should be rebuilt. And all the people who left should move back. I have seen the world and there's no place like it. Okay I'll get off my soapbox and tell you about this gift.
Unfortunately my mean mudder got very ill and I did not feel comfortable going so far from home with her like that. And she was legit being sick. I have to say that cause she tried to get me not to go in her own round about way. Put it this I was going on 2 trips. One physical and one guilt. Needless to say I didn't make it to New Orleans. The kid and the boy where understanding.
So we took 2 mini trips. First we went to the Wisconsin Dells. We stayed at a lovely resort that had an indoor water park. My first time at a water park and I had a blast. And an appropriate start to my second childhood. I played I splashed I swam and the next day I couldn't walk. But I had a great time and the room was lovely it had a fireplace. So I fell asleep watching the flames.
A few days later we went to Galena IL and Dubuque IA. The drive there was wonderful lots of fall colors. The kids got us a wonderful whirlpool suite in downtown Dubuque. It was so fancy it had a pillow menu. We spent part of one day noodling around Dubuque and then we drove to Dyersville IA. The home of the field of dreams. Yes that where that movie was filmed and it is a lovely place. I like going to that town for 1 reason, to eat at the Country Junction. Probably one of my favorite restaurant. Good old fashioned cooking and generous portions. As much as possibly everything on the menu is locally grown. And you can taste it. The town has a great antique mall and a beautiful Basilica. Well worth the trip.
The following day went shopping in Galena before heading home. Galena has a bunch of those nifty speciality shops. And it was in one of those shops I found the purse I had been looking for 7 months. At the PLA convention I saw a woman with the neatest purse. I stopped her to tell I loved her purse and to find out where she got it. She couldn't remember but she lived in Montana or someplace like that. Now I wasn't" real hopeful I would every find this purse, but I did! And it's funny but I never go into purse shops but for some reason that day I did. It was like the purse was calling me. I love that purse. Of course the kid thinks it's awful. But I love it. After we shopped Galena we headed home. It was truly a great trip and a the absolute best birthday gift ever.
They say it's the thought that counts. And never has that saying been more true then in this case. The thought the kids put into this gift was beyond wonderful. My favorite things to do and places to be. I only wished I could of gone on that trip. But they were so kind and understanding when I couldn't and they still managed to give me one heck of a birthday present. It simply was the best and so are the kids.

Checking A New Box

So as you know I just had a major birthday. And I have just recently did a survey, which meant I had to check a new box. That just irritated me to death. Less then a week ago I could check the previous box. I also know that the older you get the less people want your opinion. My Aunt Nity when she turned 70 the online surveys she was offered was less. So she emailed and told them that they were ageist. Now she gets them again. You would think as you get older people would want your opinion more not less. Life experiences should count for something. Now that a generation I am in has the highest population numbers, we should not be ignored. Now I understand why some people lie about their age. So I guess it's time to come clean I just turned 36!

Blogging Again

Ok so it's been awhile since I last blogged. Don't ask me what I have been doing cause I don't have a clue. I seem busier now then when I was working. And we did have the Olympics (yea Michael Phelps) which as usual I was glued to the TV. And then I have been reading a lot. So those are some of the reasons I have not blogged much this summer. Besides when it's hot out my computer is next to the ac and the combo of noise and cold doesn't lend itself to being on the computer much.
And I may not blog for awhile still as I have a big old birthday coming up. And the kid and the boy are taking me NOLA and Memphis. So I am very excited. What great kids I have. I am truly blessed. NOLA I love that place. I love walking in the French Quarter, Bourbon St and the garden district. And don't get me started on the food! I can't wait to go!

Happy Birthday Cindy!

Today is the fourth of July and it would have been Cindy's 46th birthday. I do miss her. So Happy B-day Cindy where ever you are.

100 Bottles of beer on the wall

You remember that old stupid song 100 bottles of beer on the wall. Has to be one of the dumbest ever! But has anyone ever sang it all the way down to one bottle of beer on the wall. And is there a chorus after that? I know I never sang it all the way down nor have I heard anyone sing it either. Hmmmmmmmmmmm!

Cracking the glass ceiling

I am rather sad today. Two things happened today that reminded of my youth. First Jim Mc Kay died. I grew up watching the wide world of sports. I hate sports but they always showed stuff like skiing, loge, weightlifting, etc. He was the voice of the show and the Olympics. I will miss him say "the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.". He will be missed.
Second is Hillary Clinton bowed out of the race for the democratic nomination for presidency. I liked her and I have to admit I liked her being a woman. In my youth the women's movement was strong and I had hope to see someday a woman president of the USA. But as she said in her speech today "we have put cracks in the glass ceiling.". So maybe someday I will see that come true.

Barbara Walters and me

I had a wonderful night yesterday. I got to meet and shake the hand of a personal hero of mine, Barbara Walters. She was doing a speech and book signing at a college in my area. The kid, the boy and I went to see her. She was very elegant melodic smart and just about anything you could think about her except one thing. She is a very tiny petite woman. Some how I always thought of her as tall. But I believe she shorter then I am. Barbara Walters has been a role model of mine for years. I remember watching her as a little girl and being amazed that a woman was doing a mans job. At a time when there was no women really visible doing such things. Except weather girls and Miss America neither one I wished to be. I think she was the one who really spoke to me about what a woman could do. Let no one or no man stand in your way .Because of her I believed I could be whatever I wanted. Before I became aware of her I really didn't want to grow up. All I had seen was housewives and Mothers. Being a Mom didn't bother me but being a housewife did. Unfortunately I didn't follow her example but it was nice to believe I could. Like I said to her last night I'll say here thank you Barbara Walters.

Say A Little Prayer

If you have been reading this blog you know that my dear friend Cindy passed away. When Cindy was alive her birthday is the 4th of July. Usually Cindy, her sister mother and her nephew would go see fireworks. Now her nephew (refer to as N) is a fatherless child. Cindy's brother died when he was a baby. N's father loved fireworks so every year they would take N with them. When N was about 8 I started going along and something about this child tugged my heart. He was so sweet generally a good kid. But I knew he was lost, as only one fatherless child to another can know. It's not that the large extended family didn't try. But life goes on things happen and quiet fatherless children go unnoticed. I see him several times a year for next 6 years. Then a little over 2 years ago Cindy died, three months before that his grandfather died and 6 months before that his other aunt died also. He was close to them all. We all went one last time to see fireworks after Cindy died and N was there. I watch him grow from a child to a very tall and large teenage. Still sweet and still lost. Now N lives in a not so nice part of town. He is half Hispanic and it shows. He dropped out of school and went to stay out of state for awhile with an uncle. He just returned home 2 weeks ago. Now I don't know if he is in a gang. But yesterday while he was on the street someone shot him. The bullet missed his heart by 2 millimeters. He is in intensive care and is expected to make it. In the same hospital where his family has all died. Hopefully he won't. I am filled with such sadness for this child. I wish I could do something for him but I don't know what to do. Except to say a little prayer for him and I hope you do too.

For the love of hot dish

Well here's some more about the librarian convention. Now I love the Twin Cities and Minnesota but I have to say they are not known for their food. Except for hot dish. Which is in case you don't know is simply this: take a can or two of veggies, a can or two of soup, add meat, and macaroni. Then bake in the oven at 350 degrees for an hour or two. That's hot dish. Now hot dish can be tasty and if I only could have found some in the cities. This is the first vacation I have ever went on and lost weight. We were staying in the downtown area of Minneapolis and there weren't very many places to eat. In the downtown area there was not one fast food place. And everywhere we went to eat the food was awful. They even have an area of town called Eat Street. This is where the supposedly good places are to eat. So not true! We ate at a place called "The Bad Waitress". While the decor was great the food sucked and was priced high. It should of been called The Bad Food Joint. We stop at Micky D's on the way back to downtown and that was the best meal I had on the trip. One night while the kids went to a reception I stayed back at the hotel. I got 3 menus from the front desk for pizza. Now I live in a city known for it's pizza and I wasn't expecting it to be like home. But when I read the 3 menus I was appalled. All of them had the following pizzas: A Reuben (corned beef sauerkraut), a Rachel (a Reuben with turkey), hot dogs and tater tots, and one with garlic mashed potatoes. After seeing what they put on pizza I could not order one. I would be kicked out of my hometown if I did. So I went to the vending machine and had candy bars for dinner.
So if you want to save money forget the fancy weight loss spas just head for the Twin Cities. No decent food and the downtown has miles of a skywalk to get lost on. But, if your like me, pack like you're going to a third world country. Bring food!

281

I told you that I went to a librarian convention in Minneapolis. One great thing about the convention besides the nice people is the freebies. I got 281 free books, lots of pens, book marks and office supplies. Free books it was like I died and gone to heaven. And you get to meet authors and speak with them (all but Avi). It was 2 1/2 days of free things even food and drinks (alcohol too). That's my ideal vacation it could only be better if the lodging was free. Now my kid got more books then I did. Now we didn't do much shopping we maybe had one small bag. We knew it from past experiences we would get tons of books, so we rented a ford explorer or something like that. That vehicle was huge and by the time we got all of our books in it and the one shopping bag there was barely any room left for us to sit. I seriously thought the kids were going to strap me to the hood like a deer (this was Minnesota remember). But we managed some how to make it back home without leaving a book behind this time. Of course it took a week to straighten my body out so I stopped looking like a carnival sideshow. I think for the next one we will hire a limo.

Unpacking or choices?

Well I haven't blogged much lately. But most of March sucked big time. But it ended great. I took a trip with the kid and the boy. To Minneapolis a Librarian's convention and then to Winona to see family. So now I full of wonderful things to blog about if I ever unpack. I hate unpacking from a trip and I will do anything to avoid doing it. Like I am doing right now. Unpacking sucks in part because I over pack every single time. I do that because I like choices. I like to get up in the morning (ok maybe the afternoon) and dress according to how I feel. If you are gone 5 days and only pack 5 outfits you have no choices. I like choices. That's why I love to eat at buffet choices. And that is why I wish we had more presidential candidates. Instead of a democrat, republican, independent (Ralph Nadar), and some one from the green party who no one knows who he is. Choices! See why I named this wild woman rants. I start off on one thing and go to another. Speaking of which I better get off and go unpack. Stay tuned for the highlights and low lights of my trip. Uffa Da!

This is the winter of my discontent.

This is the winter of my discontent.
Discontent with winter it's been too long and harsh.
Discontent with where I live. In a large city and too far from my kid.
Discontent with my body too large too painful.
Discontent with my social life it's non existing.
Discontent with money not enough of it.
Discontent with feelings so mixed so intense.
Discontent with where my life is.
Discontent with where my life is going no where.
Discontent with my age.
Discontent with extended family relations non existing.
Discontent with life in general.
Discontent with the winter of my discontent.

Hooking up with an old love of mine

Recently I have had the pleasure of hooking up with an old love of mine. It had been far too long of a time apart and was missed terribly. Now your probably thinking that this is a man. No! A woman? On no! It is my love of reading. It has been years since I have had this feeling about reading. I always used to get this tingly feeling when I opened a book and then it went away. In the years since the feeling went away I read some books and I stockpiled books. In the hope of getting that feeling back. And about a week or two ago the feeling came back. I sat in my reading chair that I got a year ago in anticipation of the feeling returning. So anyway I sat in my chair and picked up the book, opened it and the feeling return. I had to close the book because I was crying with joy. It is back and I am so happy! I am once again finding pleasure in my old love. In fact today I was a bit annoyed because I had things to do and didn't get to read yet. But I will!

I have sat often wondering why it went away. The feeling went away shortly after two terrible things happened in my life. The first was my dear friend Cindy terminal diagnosis of stage 4 breast cancer and my chronic pain condition flaring up. The chronic pain does make it difficult to focus and find a comfortable position but it is doable. And as for Cindy well I spent as much time as I could with her. As we both knew that we didn't have years to spend together. And I am grateful we did that. So between those two things I lost my love for reading. Now it is back and I will take leave of you now. A good read awaits me.